Eternals

Director: Chloe Zhao

Writer: Chloe Zhao, Patrick Burleigh, Ryan Firpo, Kaz Firpo, Jack Kirby (original author)

Starring: Gemma Chan, Richard Madden, Angelina Jolie, Selma Hayek, Kumail Nanjiani, Lia McHugh, Brian Tyree Henry, Kit Harrington, Lauren Ridloff, Barry Keoghan, Ma Dong-seok, Bill Skarsgard, Harish Patel

Reason for watching: new MCU entry, plus Chloe Zhao is a great director

Number of times I’ve watched it: first time viewing

***

The story of Icarus really is the best description for Marvel’s last couple of entries. To quote probably a hundred million ancient Greek people but mostly just Eliza in Hamilton: “You have flown too close to the sun.” The last couple of Marvel entries really make me think that the writers of the Marvel Cinematic Universe plan to throw anything at us and think that we will just think it is of high quality and walk away. And maybe they are kind of right? But I disagree. I am not interested in accepting just anything. They almost had something going there though.

The 26th cinematic entry in the MCU follows a group of super-powered Eternals who were sent to Earth some thousands of years ago to protect humans from a group of predators known as Deviants who want to destroy all life. After hundreds of years of peace a few of the Deviants resurface and the Eternals begin to lose members to these attackers. Lead by Sersei (Gemma Chan), Ikaris (Richard Madden), Thena (Angelina Jolie), Kingo (Kumail Nanjiani), and Sprite (Lia McHugh) our heroes begin to unravel the mystery of why their numbers are dwindling and why they were really sent to earth.

Eternals is freaking wack plot-wise. I cannot get into everything that happens because I do not want to spoil the movie, but think about this. Imagine insulting every single religious opinion on the origin of the world by saying “Hey! Remember the ancient gods people worshipped and the spiritual figures of modern times. Yeah. We’re gonna insult you by suggesting that each of them was modeled after one of our Eternals. Cool, right?” I’m not offended by this; it just feels incredibly half-assed for the same studio that made a human spider a high school boy and somehow made him relatable. And all that is just the first TEN minutes!!! After that prologue, they throw the kitchen sink at you with the twists and turns this story takes. Heroes become foes. Story elements twist around and around so by the end I was not even clear who to root for.

I would love to say the massive and impressive cast makes up for some of the more convoluted plot points but they do not. There are no amazing performances to save us. Angelina Jolie is wasted on a subplot that does not pay off until the final 15 minutes. Seriously, Jolie, one of the most charismatic actors working, is really just here to look confused/angry all the time and nothing else. If Gemma Chan does anything it is to put a confused look on her face and act as if on the verge of tears constantly. Our Superman-like hero played by Madden is allowed one emotional moment and then goes back to being somber and stoic immediately. Brian Tyree Henry is fun; and Kumail Nanjiani is funny. Yet Neither of them are on screen enough to save our viewing experience.

If there is any redeeming quality here it is Chloe Zhao’s eye as a director and cinematographer. The golden hour and sunset shots are wonderful to look at. The CGI shots of outer space and some of the larger galactic beings are intimidating and impose just how small humans are. But everything has to fit into the MCU’s larger never-ending story, and even Zhao’s best efforts cannot stop the producers from meddling. While I appreciate that some of the more recent Avengers individual directors get to put their own style on a movie or two, I know that the producers from the Mouse House are keeping everyone in line. Something strays too far one way or another and it gets a reshoot or a rewrite. Creativity is not really something rich movie studios have in mind when they are banking on a profit. And that’s a truth that will last an eternity.

4/10

Until I see another one.

PS - sorry for first missing last week, loyal reader (yes I know there is only one of you). Trust me I had a busy week, but you will be in for a treat. Four posts this week! And at least three during thanksgiving week! Yay more reading. Exactly what everyone wants during Christmas time.

PPS - I updated the MCU rankings on my list page to have all the current TV show seasons and movies on it. Yay!