Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore
Director: David Yates
Writer: JK Rowling, Steve Kloves
Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Jude Law, Dan Fogler, Mads Mikkelsen, Alison Sudol, Callum Turner, Richard Coyle, Katherine Waterston (for like 30 seconds), ….and the bad version of the Flash
Reason for watching: At this point, watching anything from the Wizarding World is a hate watch just because of how poorly put together it is.
Number of times I’ve watched it: First and probably only time viewing
***
There are sequels for the sake of continuing a story. There are spinoffs for the purpose of expanding a fictional universe. There are reboots of stories or re-tellings to try and create something new from something old. And then there is the Fantastic Beasts franchise. Born from a tiny fictional textbook the controversial JK Rowling wrote, the first movie was a welcome return to the wizarding world. There was a certain amount of charm to watching Eddie Redmayne stumble around early 1900s New York with Dan Fogler trying to find magical creatures. But when this franchise turned into explaining the backstory of the Harry Potter movies with information about Albus Dumbledore and Grindlewald I lost interest. It became clear to me at that point that this franchise purely exists as a cash grab going off of the success of the boy who lived. The only kind of sequel that makes sense is something about the eventual showdown between Dumby and Grindy. And taking five movies total to get there seems like a waste.
Fantastic Beasts and Dumblebore’s Answer Sheet (or whatever this movie is called) picks up not long after where its predecessor left off. A young Albus Dumbledore (Jude Law) needs help keeping his old friend Grindlewald (Mads Mikkelsen) from rising to power in the wizarding world. With help from magical zoologist Newt Scamander (Redmayne), muggle Jacob Kowalski (Fogler), and magic agent Eulalie Hicks (Jessica Williams), Dumblebore plans to stop Grindlewald from winning in the upcoming magical election. But personal ties get in the way as Dumbledore’s nephew Credence (Ezra Miller) and Queenie Goldstein (Alison Sudol), Jacob’s old flame, have joined the dark side of the magic. The two forces will clash and only one side will come out on top.
Before I start lambasting this movie for being the dumpster fire that it is, I need to give some well-earned praise to Jude Law. The charm and grace that he brings to the character of Albus Dumbledore go a long way. Not that the rest of the cast is not trying hard, but Law stands out above the rest. There is doubt in his performance that this is what a young Richard Harris or Michael Gambon would do in the role. It is in the same vein as Ewan McGregor taking on the role of young Obi-Wan Kenobi from Alec Guinness. In a movie that makes me feel generally apathetic or bored or angry, Law is a saving grace.
Another positive I have to mention is the cinematography and the CGI. What made the first movie better than its two sequels was that focus on the discovery of interesting new creatures. So when the movie takes time to show us some magical beasts and what they are capable of, it piques my interest. Also, the movie has a lot more one-shot takes of action sequences that make them easy to digest and enjoy.
But none of the exciting moments can take away from a molasses-slow-like feel to this movie. The story drags on for 143 minutes when the entirety of it could have been finished within 90 minutes. Part of that slow burn feel goes to this movie trying to be a kind of spy thriller as Dumbledore and his pals are trying to stop a magical election from being rigged. While learning about rigged elections in real life is interesting and important, seeing them play out in Harry Potter-universe movie is not the right choice, chief. But that pacing problem stems from a larger issue in mind: THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE FIVE OF THESE MOVIES!!! They are clearly building towards this legendary battle between Grindlewald and Dumbledore, but they need to drag it out for this entire series so it can happen in the fifth and final movie of the series (if that movie even happens).
Basically, since the second movie in this franchise, this franchise has been doomed. First the casting and firing of a pale and blonde Johnny Depp in the midst of his very public divorce. Then JK Rowling destroys her own credibility after she attacks the rights and validity of the trans community. Then the pandemic comes out and destroys the box office. It really was a perfect storm destroying this franchise’s chances of success.
I have one final thought about why there is much less hype around the Fantastic Beasts franchise as opposed to Harry Potter. In my mind, the Harry Potter movies were always about growing up and the transition from childhood to adulthood. There are some other themes in there about destiny and hope in the face of overwhelming odds. And in general, the Fantastic Beasts movies do not have a theme that they are revealing around. They seem just like a vehicle to get us to that big conflict between Grindlewald and Dumbledore. And that does not stand up to the quality and legacy of the OG Wizarding World franchise.
3/10
Until I see another one.