Morbius
Director: Daniel Espinosa
Writer: Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless
Starring: Jared Leto (bleh), Matt Smith, Adria Arjona, Jared Harris, Tyrese Gibson, Al Madrigal
Reason for watching: new release and comic book movie
Number of times I’ve watched it: first and only time
***
Today while I was getting my hair cut, my barber made a comment about superhero movies oversaturating the market. Thinking about it, he has a point. In the last 15 months or so, we have had five TV shows and four movies be released in the MCU. There have been two DCEU movies and one DCEU tv show that have come out in that timeframe as well. Unquestionably there is a big desire for these movies from fans. But I have to wonder if we are scraping the bottom of the barrel if we’re going to make a spinoff movie about a B-tier Spider-Man villain. Venom movie? Terrific. I’m down. He’s a fun character. Also, they got Tom Hardy to be in that movie, a tremendously charismatic actor. Jared Leto has as much charisma as a 1999 Volkswagen Passat, and it really shows in Morbius.
The newest Marvel movie follows Dr. Michael Morbius (Leto), a brilliant scientist trying to find a cure for his progressive blood disease. While he has created a kind of synthetic blood to be used, he knows that he is running short on time. Along with his fellow scientist Dr. Martine Bancroft (Adria Arjona) they conduct a radical splicing experiment on Morbius with vampire bat DNA. It ends up turning the good doctor into a kind of living vampire, needing to drink blood to survive. Instead of feeding on humans, he continuously consumes his synthetic blood (which looks like a blue Slurpee). If he doesn’t he will eventually become feral and need to feed off real human blood. However, his childhood best friend Lucian (Matt Smith) has the same condition as Morbius and undergoes the same splicing experiment. Unlike Morbius, Lucian becomes a serial killer, tracking and draining victims of their blood. Eventually, Morbius realizes he must confront and stop his old friend.
First thing first, I am tired of slogging through Jared Leto-led movies with the pretense that he is some generational talent. I have seen enough of his movies to tell you that he is not that good of an actor. Is he absolutely terrible? No. But he is not nearly good enough to be getting the kind of roles that he is. I am still baffled that he got to be Joker in Suicide Squad, as if he has enough cache or talent to step into Heath Ledger’s shoes. But his work here as the living vampire is not anything notable. He looks oddly handsome and seems a little too skinny at times. There is nothing here to write home about. It is lukewarm. Neither hot nor cold, but this time Goldilocks isn’t interested.
What really irritates me about this movie is the lack of information we get about the plot that has to be pieced together. Firstly, it is never explained where Morbius got the bats he used for his experiments. There is a scene at the beginning where Morbius is swarmed by vampire bats, but it is never confirmed that this is when he obtained them. Moreover, in a flashback when young Morbius and Lucian meet for the first time, Morbius calls his future best friend Milo, apparently named after a previous friend who stayed in the same medical facility as him. Then much later when they are grown up, Morbius still calls him Milo as does Dr. Bancroft and Dr. Nicholas (Jared Harris), Morbius and Milo’s mentor. IT IS NEVER EXPLAINED WHY THEY HAVE ALL AGREED TO DO THIS!!! Lucian just folds and lets everyone call him this!!!
Perhaps the dumbest part of the whole movie is the vampire-like abilities Lucian and Morbius develop. It is expected that they would be fast and strong; but at the very end of the movie (SPOILER ALERT) Morbius turns Bancroft into a vampire to save her from dying. NOWHERE DO THEY MENTION MORBIUS HAVING THAT ABILITY!!! But then Morbius defeats Lucian…or Milo…whatever they want to call him by summoning a swarm of bats from underneath New York City to attack him and pin him down so Morbius can inject a cure into Lucian to kill him. THIS ABILITY WAS NEVER HINTED AT EITHER!! It seems like they just pulled a million different vampire powers from other stories and legends, mixed them together, and never explained it.
However, there are some fun action sequences along the way. Seeing the speed and power behind Morbius’ blows does make for cool fights. Plus the director and cinematographer made a very fun choice to make most of the combat shots be unbroken and last longer than the usual jump-cut style that Marvel movies were known for in the last decade. There are also a few scenes that have a nice horror element too. However, I have to retract some praise as the PG-13 rating keeps from the action being too brutal. These massive sharp claws that Morbius has should tear one’s flesh open, but the lower rating keeps the brutality of the movie low.
Now I know there were those previous positive things to note, but let me be clear: this movie sucked. For context, with about ten minutes left in the movie, I was starting to feel sleepy. Usually, when that happens in a movie I lean forward or sit up straight to try to stay awake. But I was so tired of watching such a poorly written movie that I leaned back and willingly fell asleep. I would have missed the entire final battle had Jane not leaned over and smacked me in the leg two minutes later. I almost wish she had let me sleep.
3/10
Until I see another one
PS - “I have watched all the Twilight movies, Night Teeth, Vampire Academy, Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Legacies, and My Babysitter’s a Vampire; and none of them hurt more than watching this movie.” - Jane