Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker
Director: JJ Abrams
Writer: Chris Terrio, JJ Abrams, Derek Connolly, Colin Trevorrow, and George Lucas (technically speaking they bought his ideas for the sequel series and promptly threw them in the trash…the second part is just my guess…they probably read them and used them for the greatest game of mad libs ever)
Starring: Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Carrie Fisher, Lupita Nyong’o, Domhnall Gleeson, Keri Russell, Kelly Marie Tran, Ian McDiarmid, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, Naomi Ackie, and Harrison Ford for exactly enough time for him to probably collect a ridiculous appearance check (jeez there are too many people in this movie)
Reason for watching: Showing Jane all the star wars movie/hate watch
Number of times I’ve watched it: three
***
NOW THIS … is actually a disappointing star wars movie. And it makes me upset.
Quick recap for everyone who did not pay attention to the Holy War that was the reception to The Last Jedi, Disney panicked after it came out. People ripped the movie apart, and Disney realized they made a fatal mistake by disenfranchising the longest-lasting asset for Star Wars as a whole: their fans. So what do they do to try and get those folks back on board a boat with leaks everywhere? They double down on the fan service. How do you think JJ Abrams got the nod to direct this movie? He specializes in handling someone else’s IP with the minimal amount of PR nightmare. But everything about this movie moved far too fast for even Abrams to save it.
The plot moves so fast that within 10 minutes we have more plot points than we had the entire last movie. Emperor Palpatine is alive (and you had to play Fortnite to find out he was alive), and Kylo Ren has struck a deal with him. There’s a spy in the first order. Leia is training Rey. And almost the entire last movie is glossed over as if nothing happened. What was a small group of fighters at the end of the last movie is back to militia levels. None of these points are objectively bad, there’s just more info crammed in here than the finale of How I Met Your Mother. Things go on, Rey, Finn, and Poe go looking for a Sith artifact or something. Chewy fake dies. Kylo and Rey have more force-times calls (haha get it! Yeah, someone else already made that joke first but it’s still funny). Rey is Palpatine’s grandkid, which means Palpatine got it on with someone at least once, which is gross because he looked like a white-colored leather when he wasn’t a rotting corpse like in this movie. Rey and Kylo fight on the crashed second death star. Rey kills and then heals Kylo. Leia dies. Kylo sees his dead dad and turns good. The rebels just say “screw it,” and attack the “final order.” Rey gets a pep talk from force ghost Luke. Rey and Kylo take on Palpatine. Palpatine unleashes the only cool force attack in this trilogy. Rey kills him. Rey dies from exhaustion. Kylo resurrects her. They kiss. Kylo dies. The resistance is victorious. And everyone watched The Mandalorian instead because it is better.
*huge exhale*
That is a lot to take in. There is just far too much garbage in this movie. I make no qualms in calling it that because frankly, this movie felt that it had to pivot so hard away from what Rian Johnson did that it made the whole trilogy worse. I’m not one to often quote the sub-par Pixar movie Cars, but if you lean into the skid, sometimes it works out. That’s what should’ve happened here. Find a way to write this movie where our heroes are still fighting back. Don’t lean on the crutch of Palpatine being the bad guy. STAND STRONG AND STICK WITH THE PRODUCT YOU CREATED!
It’s not all bad though. Rey and Kylo’s connection makes for interesting dynamic and both Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver come through with solid performances. As usual the CGI and set design in this world is amazing to watch and explore. Honestly, Star Wars doesn’t need to be a movie franchise anymore. The way for it to really grow creatively is to allow everything to be explored. My solution: more video games and tv shows. Oh wait…they already have. Crap. Anyway, the rest of the cast is good, but none of it is enough to really turn this around for me.
There is far too much happening here. I am really frustrated by this movie. The potential was all there for this to be a solid conclusion to the story. But fear dictates stuff when movie execs let themselves get bullied into taking creative control away from artists. I could rant for longer but I know what the attention span of the internet is. It’s almost as long as the attention span of Star Wars fans.
3/10
Until I see another one.